what happens when someone is going thru a mental health crisis?  their family helps them.  their neighbors and/or friends help them.  their Dr. office should be able to help.  i have noone NEAR me that can help.  i am alone in this.  i'm taking care of a child on my own with no help.  i am on SSDI - government disability insurance.  my SSDI income is poverty level, however i'm extremely thankful to recieve it.  i am so very fortunate in that i own my house and have no monthly payments.  i only pay property taxes, however it would be in my best interest to get homeowners insurance.  i dont see how it's even possible for someone in my condition to manage to maintain survival thru all of this.  i'm not even going into the details about the conditions of my electrical and plumbing, lack of a kitchen and even basic home needs.  it's very upsetting. 

DREAM

war with Korea, people running to Mexico and are met with "enemy" at the border crossing who are strapping bombs to their small children - they have the children run up to the cars to blow people up, massive military action, california passed emergency law allowing people to openly carry handguns, complete disintigration of society, massive abuses by military against young girls and boys...rape on a massive scale, planes landing on highways and in fields

HALLUCINATIONS 

voices in the room are inaudible but very present - i see small bodies, about 6 - 10 inches tall, dark grey and fat with horns and red glowing eyes on my table about 3 of them.......hallucinations are invading my dreams now - during my dream i hallucinate - i hear voices and see things just as i do in my waking hours........

MHMR

FIRST CALL - MHMR in Bonham, TX......Sandy (office manager) - i called to ask to speak to a nurse because i am not doing well because of medication adjustment and im suicidal and self-harming.  she asked my name and i told her and she asked what was going on and i again told her what i'd already told her and she asked for more symptoms.  i asked if she was a nurse and she said "no, i am the office MANAGER".  i told her i dont feel comfortable talking to someone who is not medically trained about my severe issues and that i need to speak to a nurse.  she told me "we dont have to get funny now".  i informed her that this is not the proper way to deal with a mental patient, much less one that is in the middle of a crisis.  i told her that i am going to report her to the patient rights advocate and that i hope she's enjoyed her stint as office MANAGER because her ass will be fired shortly.  the rest of the conversation consisted of her elevated voice barking at me with a condescending tone.  i hung up.

SECOND CALL - MHMR in Sherman, TX.....receptionist - i called crying about what had just happened with Sandy in the Bonham office.  i told the receptionist that my meds were being adjusted and things were going very, very bad.  i pleaded to be transfered to the nurse, even if it's just the voicemail.  the receptionist was nice and put me on hold.  she came back a couple minutes later and i heard her voice for only 1 second then she hung up on me.   of course this was accidental but it sure did feel very bad.  

THIRD CALL - MHMR Bonham, TX.......receptionist Debbie - i called and asked to speak with Sandy.  Debbie told me that she was on a call and could she help me instead.  i told Debbie that i wanted to ask her if she believes in God and that if she does she is going to hell.  Debbie was very sweet and very concerned and called me "hun" and "sweetie" over the course of our conversation.  i told her briefly what Sandy had said to me and what problems i'm having.  Debbie referred me to the crisis line and gave me the number and said "now sweetie are you sure ur gonna call that number"?  i told her i would....but i didn't.  

it took everything i had not to drive to the Bonham MHMR and physicallly assault that horrid, evil bitch.