just take it a little bit at a time - too fat to fuck (reverse decision)

my periods have stopped since my miscarriage in late June. i had light spotting in early September.....and a couple of days ago i had an ovarian cyst rupture in the middle of the nite. i crave so very badly........as usual.......nothing seems to satisfy me........i dont even think that if i had intense, painful and mind blowing sex every single day; i dont think that would even render my cravings a period of cessation. i'm writing notes to my love now.....like a girl in jr. high.......but i cant speak of the things i think about.....i can only write about them.....and only on paper - so that it may be easily crumpled and lost - possibly thrown away accidentally; possibly tossed asunder and rendered captive by a piece of unfrequently moved furniture for years and years and only found after my death------when it will all be too fucking late.

i cry - full of sin and sadness - as i write all of this.

so often.....every day.....i just want to fuck blindly.....fuck for the sake of fucking.....fuck so i can feel the physical sensations that are involved with the mamalian reproductive process that is involved for my species....fuck because it feels so fucking good.....fuck because my body craves the sensations.....and fuck because it gives my sexual organs the much needed exercise that they need in order to function properly.

just a quick observation that i've recently noticed.......funny how when i was a child....lets say beginning with infancy and ending at age 17, i couldnt keep them off of me. their hands, their mouths, their bodies, their penises,......it always seemed like i was always in a state of having to defend myself - always trying as hard as possible to keep my thighs tightly shut so that i could not be welcoming any hand or finger - mouth or penis - always making sure that i wasnt accidentally asking for it.

sara.....just take it a little bit at a time baby...just a little bit at a time.

i know there are so many people out there who want to fuck and suck all nite until their bodies are exhausted and raw....i am one of them....i want to be violently fucked for hours...the way it used to be before i was old enough. i want by body to be animalistically desired that way again.......i think. i say this,....but sometimes he scares me even if he's very gentle.....so this makes no sense to either one of us......