Painfully Beautiful

last week......

a young man came to my house asking if i knew who the owner was of a very old female dachshund....i took a look at her and i did not recognize her. i told the young man that if he cannot find the owner he can bring her back to me if he cannot keep her. a couple days later, he was back at my door with the dog....i told him i will either keep her or find a more suitable home.

right away it was very clear how old she was and she was also clearly deaf. she was quite fat and had an adorable personality. truly...a great dog. i just knew that...with my plans to move in the spring and also with her age surely bringing a multitude of health problems, ....i was unprepared to properly care for all her future needs. i set to work right away at finding her a proper home.....particularly before i had a chance to become very attached.....(i was already picking her up and cuddling and kissing her on the face)....(DANGER...DANGER...ATTACHMENT...HEARTBREAK....FIND NEW HOME IMMEDIATELY!!!) so yeah....i didn't waste any time.....

actually, the next day i got a reply from a family that seemed like the perfect fit. i spent a good deal of time on the phone with the mother and it was very clear....this is going to be her forever family. i was overjoyed.

zoe and i met the mom and the 2 kids...13 and 16....in a parking lot in Allen to meet and greet. the moment i brought the dog out of the car the 13 yr old sun reached out for her and scooped her up with professional snorggle luvin....he murmured between sobs....."Mom,.....she looks just like my Maggie...oh Mom" and he cried more.......this boy held her so securely and lovingly and the dog weaved her long snout through the maze of the wavy, fire red hair on this boy. he kissed her face and looked into her eyes and said..."i love you so much sweetie".......well...if that's not meant to be,...i don't know what is.

i blubbered quite a bit over this and we all just hugged and it was a truly positive experience. i felt so good about what i had done. ............. until i got home..........

it was about 15 minutes after i returned home when an elderly man knocked on my door......i came out to greet him. still riding on the high from the earlier rehoming success i was all smiles and happy faces when he asked me his somber question...."i heard that you are the one who might have my sweet old girl....do you have my sweet girl?" i felt my entire body split in half right down the middle starting with my skull. think quick..quick .. quick!!!........i deflected responsibility stating that a friend took her for me because it wasn't working out and i cant get a hold of her, and how "i sure hope she hasn't found a new home for her yet." oh man i felt soooo awful. he told me how much he missed her and how everytime there is a storm she gets out and wanders off, and how he needs to fix her pen so she cant get out anymore...and how this happens all the time....how she's 15 yrs old and he's had her since she was a pup etc, etc. hmm......i felt really very bad, but i can assure you, this dog will never, ever again be "getting out during a storm"...ever again, nor will she be "in a pen". i got an email from her new family saying how she found her favorite "special bed" in the son's room...(i had a feeling about those 2).....when she has medical problems she will be going to the vet......they are not at all annoyed by her deafness and they have money and other rescued dachshunds and rescue cats that she's all made fast friends with.....

i cried and cried over this because i felt so bad for the old guy......but see if i had Digger Piggs outside in a pen.....and he got out all the time.....someday i would not expect to ever see my dog again and it would be my own fault.....that is why i keep my Piggy inside cuz i dont want to ever, ever loose him. nobody is perfect...by any means....but this is my reasoning....the way i have to look at this situation in order to not destroy myself emotionally.

i think i did the right thing......i feel i did the right thing.......life is hard....and life sucks....but it can be beautiful ......painfully beautiful.